Discipline and the rod

Thank you Doc Joey for the invitation:

We all know that discipline is mainly the responsibility of the parents. But how do you go about it?

• When do you start disciplining your child? Is there even a "right" age to start discipline?
• How do you teach your kids right from wrong? How do you instill your rules?
• What do you do if your child breaks the rules?
• How do you feel about spanking?
• Who is the disciplinarian in the family?
  
• How do you feel when other people (teachers, grandparents, uncles/aunts etc.) try to discipline you kid?

~ 0 ~

I'm a first-time mother to an 18-month baby girl and I really have not paid so much attention to ways to discipline your kid since i thought that my daughter had to be at the "right" age before we can implement discipline on her. Until she threw her first tantrum that we knew that there is no such thing as too early to discipline a kid.

Babies are intelligent human beings and little do we know that they are manipulative and powerful to control us parents. Yes, they do that at such young age. They may not know what they are doing but in order to get what they want, they do things which they're not aware if acceptable or not. They may cry, they may shout, they may throw things at you just so you'd give in to what your baby wants. And before this may happen to us, my husband and I decided to teach our daughter simone the discipline she should practice. It's not discipline per se like teaching a dog to poop on a paper but it's more of exposing her to certain situations that may be able to help her understand the concept of obedience. We still do not know if she is at the right age to understand these things but if she can cry endlessly until she gets what she wants and knows that she has won her battle, then maybe understanding the concept of "no" will be a walk in the park for her.

Our concept of discipline covers the simple yet authoritative words of NO and STOP. When she wants to get something that she can't, we tell her NO. When she keeps on doing something she should'nt be doing, we tell her STOP whatever it is she's doing. As much as possible, we try to explain to her why she should'nt be doing this and why she should be doing that. She would give us the look, ignore the rule at times but obey most of the time. When she does the former, we don't stop telling her until she gets it. There's a saying: When it comes to your kid, choose your battles wisely and make sure you win (is it really a saying?). When she does things unfavorably, we talk to her. We have'nt thrown a hand at her just yet, everything is just verbal and actions since she's too young to understand spanking but I'm pretty sure she'll get some as she grows older.

Spanking is something that my husband and I grew up with. No, we were not abused children, just disciplined ones. And our spanking, at least for me, was only defined on hands and bottom. Parts of our bodies other than those mentioned were never spanked by our parents. So we think that our daughter will also experience the same. The difference between good and bad spanking lies in communication. When you don't explain to your kid why he or she was spanked, he or she will never appreciate what you did. He or she will only remember the pain and not the words of wisdom from his/her parents. I also remember back then that I was being spanked because of trying to get out of the way. Imagine that, I remember that time when my two brothers were fighting and I did'nt do something about it. I just watched them. My mom reprimanded them and spanked them and I was surprised that I got spanked too. If my mom did'nt explain to me the reason why she had to spank me (I was also responsible for the fight because I just stood there and watched them punched each other where in fact I should make them stop), I would have taken a grudge at her but she explained and hugged us three after that. That's the difference I was talking about.

But i will not take a debate on who is the disciplinarian in our family. My husband comes from a filipino-chinese family and his parents were (hmm, i think they still are, haha) strict. Somehow I admire the discipline and I'm pretty sure he'll take the rod in disciplining our child and future kids should there be. I can discipline my child too but in somewhat different style. And I think we're just as blessed to have the respect of our families and relatives and everyone around us that they do not intrude with the way we do things for our baby. They just let us be and they are happy to give advices when we ask for it.